2 Years!

Monday, November 11, 2013

Today, 11th November 2013, marks another milestone for my marriage as wifey & I celebrate our second anniversary. 

Erm, actually the celebration will come later because today we're hundred of kilometers apart. I am looking forward for a fancy meal with her (and baby Ubaid) this weekend. 

I have to admit that it was not easy for both of us. 

We're married young - at the age of 24 - and at that time, I was just starting my steady, permanent job as a lecturer. 

Therefore, money is definitely an issue. 

We're not poor. With my monthly salary, so far I'm able to pay for our car's monthly installment, her study fees & health insurance, save a little, gave some to our parents, buy clothes for her & our little baby, buy baby stuff & etc. 

It's just that sometimes, things come up and we have to scrape clean our savings & leave nothing for cases of emergency. 

The rise of price of goods & needs is becoming a concern. 

Thoughts of buying a house is horrifying. It's so appalling how rapid the increase of land & house price in Malaysia! Gosh gosh gosh. 

However, no matter how much or little the amount of money I have in my bank account, I always always try to provide & to satisfy. 

There are many moments when I wanna buy something for myself... Things like new shoes, pants & shirts. But I kept it on hold & buy stuff for her instead. It's because I genuinely feel that it doesn't matter if I wear old, worn out & torn clothes, as long as she's beautiful. As long as she's happy. As long as she looks good. 

I love buying stuff for her. I wanna buy her new rocking boots, new smashing heels, new dashing jackets, new dope lipsticks. If I could, I would buy her everything. 

She's so considerate & understanding... and I'm really thankful for that. 

Last month, as we were walking around at a shopping complex, she told me that she wanted to buy me something as a gift with the money she owned from being involved with a debate thing. At first, I actually wanna refuse the offer... I thought, instead of her spending money on me, she should just buy something for herself. But she seemed so persistent that I finally picked up a pair of awesome looking shoes. I was so happy to have those shoes. 

Another hell of a challenge is distance. 

Distance is the enemy! I'm sure everyone agrees when I say long distance relationship sucks big time. 

She's there in Cheras, working for her Masters while I'm here in Dungun, working. 

I travel to Cheras every weekend. Usually I take the bus because it's cheaper & safer. I hop into the bus at Paka on Thursday nights & come back on Saturday nights. That means, I only got to be with her for less than two days per week. 

That's far from enough. 

It's harder on her part because besides assignments, she has our baby to take care of... and baby Ubaid requires so much attention that most of the time she has little rest. 

I feel extremely guilty for not being able to be there for her most of the time. 

Besides that, the feeling of missing someone you love is so hurtful, at times the pain feels so literal that I have to clasp my chest & let a bit of tears out. 

Missing someone is hurtful... Missing two is torture. I miss her & Ubaid so much. 

Then, the biggest challenge of all is having to accept & cope with each other's weaknesses.

Her temper. My nonchalant nature. Her tantrums. My dumb moments. My lack of seriousness. My insensitivity. 

I try my very best to accept, to embrace, to tolerate her weaknesses & at the same time I hope that she can do the same with mine. 

A good thing is that I'm calm. 

I'm calm as still water. Well, maybe too calm. 

I'm water. She's fire. 

Such a perfect match. 

Whenever she scorches hard, I remain calm & make the flames smaller with my soft, non aggressive approaches. Yes, sometimes her flames are too huge that I bit by bit evaporate. I fiercely boil. There's always a limit to patience. But I keep on reminding myself, "No, Fahmi... Don't go there. Don't be that person. Don't shout. Remain calm."

I somehow know that I would never be able to completely put out the fire inside her. She has this passion, this lava hot personality, this fierce dragon that acts as a hiltless sword. It drives her but at the same time cuts her from within. It protects & harms at the same time.

If I try to counter it aggressively, fighting fire with fire, our marriage would burn to ashes. 

That's why I remain calm & steady. Be the bigger person. Be the strong anchor that prevents our ship from slipping away into the storm.

Then she plays her part in making sure that my anchor is not too heavy that it's stopping us from discovering new territories, new horizons. She pushes me to try new things & move forward. She urges me to be better. 

We are perfect for each other. 

Our weaknesses is also our strengths. 

At this point, I strongly believe that the purpose of me being on this earth is to make her happy. 

and by making her happy, I'm happy. 

I stumbled upon a very well written post that's very sweet & eye opening... Here, read it - http://sethadamsmith.com/2013/11/02/marriage-isnt-for-you/

I agree with the author about marriage is not for you... It's not for your sake. It's for your spouse's & the people close to her/him. 

By referring to that, I think I'm on the right track as I always want the best for my dear wifey... I want to provide the best for her. I can't now, but I want to & I will.

My advice for all of you married ones, if you wanna hug or kiss your wife/husband, do it passionately. Don't just give a light smack on the cheek or a casual chest bump. Hug your wife/husband close, wrap your arms around her/him, keep the hug going for at least 10 seconds. Pull her/him roughly & kiss her/him on the lips like you're about to make love. Surprise her/him. Show her/him what you really want to show. Show her/him love.

Then, don't ask whether you've received enough. Always ask whether you've given enough. Always give, give, and give without asking for anything back.

Lastly, it takes two to tango. It works both ways. What you get, you must give it back. Don't be selfish.

I love you honey! Lets grow old together.

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