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July 16, 2009

Not Suicidal

This would be controversial...

I know this might be strange but I always think about me myself dying... It's not suicidal but I have accepted the truth that life is very fragile... a simple fall or a small knocking on my head can be the cause of my death... I can even die typing this entry... Often when I'm riding a bus to melaka or back to terengganu, it will cross my mind that this ride can be my last ride...

This thing started when I was in school when an ustaz of mine said that the more often you think of death, the longer you will live... So thinking about my own death and where I'll be heading after that has become some kind of a strange habit... It just crosses my mind everyday... And it makes me closer to God for as I think of my own death, I will also think of my sins...

Sometimes I couldnt even sleep... fearing I wont be waking up in the morning... fearing that when I open my eyes, I will be seeing my own cold body lying static on my bed, waiting to be noticed that it's not actually breating anymore... This would be the time when I pray so hard and shed in tears "Ya Allah, bangunkanlah aku pada pagi esok agar aku dapat menebus segala dosa dosaku..." and I will say the Kalimah Syahadah until morning comes...

and yet, when morning does come, I never kept my promise to God... How weak I am in dealing with my lust...



People... if I die tonight or at any time in the future, please tell my mom, my dad, my brothers, my girlfriend and all of my friends, I love them... please dont let any of them be the last to know of the fact of my death... Please inform them as soon as possible... spread the news

I dont want any of them to wonder, "Mana Fahmi ni? Call tak jawab, mesej tak reply..." I dont want them to worry (especially my girlfriend)...


:-(


Dont ask me anything about this in verbal... Just leave a comment if u wanna ask something about it...



1 comments:

toni777 said...

Kematian..
Sesuatu yang pasti akan datang bila saatnya telah ditentukan keatas insan yang berkenaan...

Mengingati mati adalah sesuatu yang baik, kerana ianya memuhasabahkan diri kita...

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